Category Archives for "About Me"

Time to Rise

Climbing My Second Mountain

2020 is the year I will rise up to scale my second mountain. I can say with 100% certainty that I won’t be climbing it the same way as the first. 

I will climb this mountain slower, taking time to really see the beauty and wonder of it all. Listening for the bird songs. Seeing the purple crocus rise up out of the freshly thawed ground. Touching the rough bark and sensing the life in the trees that reflects mine.

I have learned in the dark valley that there is a deeper and more meaningful journey that I can choose to take up my second mountain.

My Intentions

I intend to put relationships first.

I intend to be open, vulnerable and allow more intimacy into my day to day life.

I will relentlessly pursue what is good, right and true by aligning with what will leave a positive and permanent mark on the people around me.

My North Star

God will always be my true North Star. He is my beginning and end. The lamp that lights my path. My friend and encourager.

I desire that the work of my hands will have a purpose and be thick with service and kindness. His purpose for my life is now my will for my life. I surrender to the one who made me.

I want to live my life as a gift to others and not one lived for just myself.

I will make every effort to move my thinking and actions from independence to interdependence.

I cannot live this life well, full and whole without help from others. It is only through a rock-solid and connected community that I can bear the burdens on my back and truly thrive in service.

I have a deep yearning to care for others. To go beyond myself and my worldly pursuits and simply care for people right where they are. Sacrificial love is the best kind of love of all.

I'm All In

I am all in. No second thoughts. No keeping my options open.

I am committed and planted and will grow deep roots. I have planted this flag deep into the ground.

My second mountain is bigger and better than the first. It is richer and more generous. I don’t discount the journey or reject the things I achieved on the first mountain.

My second mountain is simply the more generous and satisfying journey after it.

And the view is spectacular.

Blessings to you

Thank you for being here with me. I hope my sharing my heart has given you something good.

I am never far away my friend. If you need me, I am here to support you on your journey.

God bless you, no matter where you are on the map.

Lessons From the Valley

Seasons of Suffering

Seasons of suffering and pain in life cannot be avoided. As people living on this earth, we experience many highs and lows, fear and freedom, love and hate, pain and pleasure.

My time in the valley exposed the deepest parts of me, and I saw who I really am. Strangely, this season of pain and sorrow has made me bigger and braver.

Suffering well and seeking out the lessons hidden in the dark folds is the key I needed to open the gate at the trailhead at the base of my second mountain.

Lesson 1 - God is an Anchor

There really is a God and He never left me. Not once. He was my lifeline and anchor when the storm buffeted me with fierce winds and driving rain on all sides.

There were even a few times I faintly heard Him singing over me to give me His comfort and peace as I cried rivers of tears in the dark.

My faith knows that my entire life has passed through His hands with His blessing and mighty wisdom. So this season of suffering was meant for my good not to harm me.

He uses it all as His love story to me as his precious daughter. The ugly. The beautiful. The hard things.

If life was always smooth sailing, I would never experience the refining of my soul and the absolute need every minute of every day of my Father in heaven.

These lessons and seasons have all sharpened my faith in Him and I am grateful.

Lesson 2 - Courage

Vulnerability will not kill you. Suffering with not kill you. Fear will not kill you. 

It felt like I was dying while I was walking on the dark path down in the valley. But it didn't kill me because fear is a liar. Fear is no match for my hope and faith in the creator of earth and heaven.

Courage and bravery are the decision to walk through these doors anyway knowing I am never alone.

Lesson 3 - Letting go

Ego, selfish desire, prominence, prestige, pleasure is no longer where my focus and interests lie.

The things I strived for on my first mountain were thin, fleeting and held no real substance. What matters most to me now is living my true purpose and reaching out beyond myself to love and help others.

I want to make a difference and deeply contribute to those in need. To do this I must practice letting go of my own selfish desires and live in service of others.

Letting go is the ultimate in freedom and liberty.

Lesson 3 - Real Truth

True love and friendship are tested when the people who love you choose to join you in the valley, so you don’t walk alone. 

To those of you who walked in the darkness with me, my soul thanks you more than you know. I promise to do the same if you ever find yourself in the wilderness.

When you rest your identity on your job title, the money in your bank account, the social events you are invited too, you are constantly and solely preoccupied by the notion of only yourself.

Power, position and prestige do not fill your heart and soul. They are not where the real truth lies.

My Second Mountain

Happiness is fleeting and self-centered. Pure joy transcends any current circumstance and is the light that radiates from my brokenness and deep cracks. 

This is a treasure, a gift from the Holy Spirit. I am clay and He is the master potter. I am dust and His power lasts for eternity.

The sustenance I need to fill the dark hole that caved in under my feet is not the little bag of trail mix I packed to eat on my first mountain.

The food needed to sustain me on my second mountain is rich with meaning and purpose.

It multiplies when given away to feed others. It is deeply satisfying and is best eaten slowly with others who I love.

You are not alone

Thank you for allowing me to share the lessons I have learned spending time in the valley. It is my privilege and honour to open my heart to you.

If you are in a dark valley of suffering, you are not alone. There is always a silver lining, lessons to learn and a God who will hold your hand. There is always a light at the end of every tunnel of hardship. There is always hope.

If you want to keep walking with me on this journey, you can read the last part of my story called "Time to Rise".

Please let me know if you need me. I am always here for you.

My Year in the Valley

In 2019 I cried many painful tears of loss, shame and injustice. It was the hardest time in my life but also a season I now look back on with gratitude. My year in the valley held many profound lessons.

More tears fell from my eyes and down my cheeks in those 12 months than in my entire 49 years before. I never realized I had so many sobs inside of me to express. They were hot tears. Cleansing tears. Renewing tears.

Early in childhood, I was taught to believe that emotions were to be held in and not expressed. Well I certainly made up for all of my suppressed feelings. 

This was my year of pain and suffering in the dark valley and I deeply thank you for coming with me on this journey.

Climbing My First Mountain

Life before entering the valley of suffering was spent climbing my first mountain.  

Finding love, raising children, building a career and hopefully finding brief moments of happiness along the way.

This was the journey I embarked on all in the pursuit of self.

I didn’t want to be lonely. I desired to be a mother. Climbing the corporate ladder in thin places was just what you did to get ahead right?

And so, for 30 years I climbed my first mountain.

At the Top of the Mountain

Somewhere along the trail, the rocks under my feet started to get slippery.

I was married but still felt lonely. My children grew and needed me less and less. My career was no longer my passion but a drudgery to be endured. 

Fleeting moments of sunshine seemed to forever be behind thick, dark clouds. Deep down I knew there was a piece of me that wasn’t getting fed and this piece was getting hungrier and hungrier.

I asked myself questions at the top of the mountain. Did I take a wrong turn somewhere along the path? Where were the rewards I thought materialized at the highest peaks? Why was climbing down the backside of this flipping mountain so much harder than the climb up?

The disappointment and despair at the top of the mountain was surprising to me and not at all what I expected.

The Valley of Suffering

Then suddenly the rocks under my feet started to crumble. I fell hard from the mountain into the wild, dark valley below with a shocking and painful thud. 

My memory fades a bit here. I do remember it was dark and I was terrified. My entire life was turned upside down. It shattered into a thousand broken pieces at the bottom of my mountain.

Eventually, slowly I got up. I was badly battered. Some of my gaping and jagged wounds were bleeding openly…” these will scar for sure…” I thought to myself.

I sustained other injuries that only showed up later as big, ugly blue and purple bruises. I was injured but still alive. I honestly didn’t know if I was relieved or not.

My life on my first mountain fell away and the dark valley of suffering welcomed me in.

There was no going back to my first mountain.

Thank you for sharing a piece of my heart

My prayer for you and for me is that we learn and expand in positive ways from these painful times with a deep knowing that our story is not over and that the best is yet to come.

Part Two - Lessons From the Valley